first world problems

 

 

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: First World Beverage Problems.

as someone whose default question in an unfamiliar coffee shop is “do you have cold-brew espresso?” this piece is relevant to if not inspired by food snobs like moi. how do YOU know that you’re a first world beverage snob??

even though the only ppl who actually read this blog have probably received this in their inbox/gchat a few times, i had to repost.

 FIRST WORLD BEVERAGE PROBLEMS

BY JOSLYN HAMILTON, VANESSA FIOLA,
AND LESLIE MUNDAY

– – – –

Glut of Starbucks gift cards in wallet makes it too fat, and you don’t even like Starbucks.

When the small town barista puts too much chocolate in your mocha despite logical instructions otherwise, so that you then have to pour some out and ask your friend for a little of her latte to balance it out, but by then you’re over the whole thing and completely disenchanted so that the mocha moment is lost.

When you ask for an iced coffee and they simply make a hot coffee and pour it over ice.

Seriously? Does that even make sense?

When the wine store in your bucolic vacation town closes at 8 pm and it doesn’t even get dark until 10:30 pm.

That’s just confusing.

When the kid’s lemonade stand on the wait to the ferry is serving instant lemonade instead of fresh.

The discontinuation of unpasteurized Kombucha at grocery stores because of some confusion around the alcohol content, when we would be perfectly willing to show our ID to buy Kombucha. And obviously that’s why we liked it in the first place.

When you can’t find decaf espresso in Europe. Snobs.

When they don’t carry the preferred brand and size of sparkling water at the small town grocery store where you are vacationing.

When the bartender at the Seattle Hilton makes your blueberry tea in an iced tea glass instead of a snifter.

When people insert an “x” into the word espresso.

 

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